Kobayashi ain't got shit on me (Food Throwdown)

So around sometime in 03-04, we were at Xaos (card shop we owned) and a miraculous event happened that had me almost puking every two minutes. So it was Monday night at Xaos (draft night) and we had just finished, so all of us were outside talking and smoking. Somehow the conversation went in a direction where we ended up talking about food and who can eat shit the fastest. Obviously the conversation went way overboard in a matter of minutes and we had cash flying and bets being placed on who can finish shit the fastest. The first person to step up was Donavin. This guy was huge, I'm talking like 6'1 ish 300+ pounds. Of course no one wanted to challenge Big D so somehow I ended up doing it. So it came down to me vs Big D in a showdown on who can eat a set amount of food the fastest. There was like 8-10 people there and everyone threw in like 5 bucks each. We than selected what kind of food to eat for the challenge. There was a assortment of chips (I think doritos), rice crispy treats, air heads, sour skittles (omg...), some sort of chocolate (I think reese's) and other stuff I can't remember.

So we lay down a couple of each item on the table, watch the clock, and yell GO!!!!!! And we are off, I'm rushing to open my first pack of chips trying to crunch it down as fast as I can. As we go on into the race, I see him getting further and further ahead. Long story short, I get crushed but I do finish my food. Don't worry, the good stuff is just about to start. So everyone knew I get crushed by Big D but they wanted to see it anyway. He got paid and that was that but Tuan stepped up to the plate and started talking shit (fucken typical) and calling me out saying I was a wuss or some shit. So eventually, Tuan convinces me (with the help of the crowd) to do ANOTHER food throw down against him RIGHT AFTER I just finished my first race. Obviously I feel like shit, I just ate like 10 bags of candy and chips in like a few minutes but there is NO way in hell I'm backing away from this now.

So we lay out the items on the table AGAIN and I think we added a little more food this time, I can't recall perfectly. The crowd throws in even more money for this second run to watch us throw down (more like race to trash can to hurl). Than Tuan or Sean had this great idea of spinning us in the computer chairs like 10 times before we start the competition.........

LETS GET READY FOR ROUND 2 (only me though not Tuan / FML)


(Why didn't I do my usual no....)


So here we go, the ultimate showdown. We both sit down in our own chairs, we have people ready to spin us at the start of the timer.
3
2
1

They spin us like 10 times on the chairs, than we run outside where they have the food ready. As much as I wanna tell you an awesome story, the event isn't 100% clear for me to write so I'll just throw in some highlights. There was a lot of good plays (and misplays) as well as other stuff we could of done to get a edge on the other person. So when we get there, we're both a little dizzy but we fight through it. I remembered Tuan had a good strategy of opening shit ahead of time while he was trying to gulf down candy. So early on its even, but he has this technique where he smashes the chips inside the bag to little pieces and opens it, and pours it all into his mouth. Excellent idea, he probably saved like 30 seconds or some shit. So I fell behind there but Tuan misplayed in the middle of the race. The air heads are killer cause they take FOREVER to fucken melt down to swallow. You can't eat them like you normally do, otherwise it would take 5 minutes to eat one air head. But that shit is so rough like 1000 rubber bands made into a candy. Tuan open up like 3 air heads, roll them up like a ball and put it all in his mouth. He constantly had to spit it out cause it was too much for him to handle. You should of seen it, he was fucken drooling all over his mouth and hands. Eventually he finishes it, but all that saliva plus candy on his hands made his hands extra slippery which caused him to have trouble opening a couple bags of candy (more time lost). Sean mentioned after the race that we should of sat on the air heads the whole time so they would be warm during the end of the race - lol. Sounds gross but strong strategy - just sayin'. So around this time, we're almost done and we brought out the huge Xaos trash can cause we almost threw up like 5 times during this race.

So we hit the final round, both of us have saved the sour skittles for last. Tuan has trouble opening it again, I think he uses his teeth to open it. So we both pour like half the bag into our mouth. WTF were we thinking. It was extremely painful, you have to try it to know. First off, we're both fucken hitting our limits, especially me cause this is my second round on a fucken back to back. All that sour taste hitting you at once is a moment I'll never forget. Of course the crowd has been into this event since the beginning and they started cracking up when they saw our faces come down like we were choking on something. Somehow, we both bear through the pain and are approaching the finish line. I said I was done, but they did a mouth check and said I still had a few pieces. It's coming down to the wire, sour skittles slowing going down our throats, drool all over our mouth, our hands covered in saliva and candy. As I feel the last bits of skittles go down, I yell DONE and open my mouth for a finish check. As I say I'm done, Tuan calls out done like literally half a second after I finish. They check both our mouths for candy, we were clean and the victor is ME!!!!!!!

Somehow I survived this ordeal of candy throw down and came out on top even though the odds of me winning was slim - Tuan never plays straight up. So for a mere 50 bucks or so, I went through 20 some minutes of hell to make 8 other guys laugh there ass off and make a memory of a life time. Thanks assholes, can't believe I did this shit. FML


(Hi Tuan! - I would give you my number but I don't hang out with losers... Sry)